So, why did you leave your last position?

I've heard some great reasons for leaving a job in the past. But this one takes the cake.

Ian Holloway, former manager of the Plymouth Argyle Football Club, recently resigned his position to take on the leadership role at Leicester. His reason for leaving:

Life's about relationships. I had a fantastic one at Plymouth and I understand I will have broken some hearts but it was breaking my heart that I might not have the opportunity to spend all that money.

In his interview with BBC sport, it's clear that he's actually speaking about the larger budget at Leicester - at least I think so.

I thought this all felt familiar...

Another astute observation from Jessica Hagy at Indexed:

Performance Evaluations

Someone sent me a "Job Evaluation Dictionary" the other day... These are "translations" of all those things you see in Performance Evaluations... I thought I'd share some of my favorites:

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ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.
QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job.
A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.
SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life.
CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared.
METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker.
DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice.
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes.
ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip.
ENJOYS JOB: Needs more to do.
HAPPY: Paid too much.
CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: Annoying.
WILL GO FAR: Relative of management.
SHOULD GO FAR: Please.
VERY CREATIVE: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
USES RESOURSES WELL: Delegates everything.

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Business & Dead Horses

Another chuckle today, from the Evil HR Lady.

Her recent post "Business Decisions" begins with the following bit of wisdom:

..."When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."

A selection of alternative modern business strategies follows. My favorites are:
Buying a stronger whip.
Making the horse work late shifts and weekends.
Appointing a committee to study the horse.
Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.

I encourage you to read the full post... it's good for a laugh!

Office Recycling Program

We use an obscene amount of paper in our office and so we've been looking into a recycling program. One of my co-workers sent this suggestion.



I thought it was brilliant.

Targeted Advertising

So, here was my good laugh for the day.

I was looking at the careers section of the Network and Systems Professionals Association (NaSPA) website today, when I noticed a banner ad on the site... for a StarTrek convention.

It made me giggle.

Seriously Weird Coworkers

Okay, I admit it. I’ve occasionally wondered if a coworker is experiencing temporary mental retardation, or has perhaps been possessed by a demon hell-bent on wasting my time, but I’ve never quite taken it this far:

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Evelyne Micky Shatkin worked at University of Texas at Arlington, where she had had a series of disputes with a co-worker, which after mediation, resulted an ultimatum from Human Resources: further problems could get you fired. Not satisfied, Shatkin held an after-work "prayer session", where, with another employee, Linda Shifflett, "anointed" the absent co-worker's cubicle with olive oil, purportedly because of fears that the co-worker was demonically oppressed, chanting "You vicious evil dogs. Get the hell out of here in the name of Jesus. ... I command you to leave." A third male co-worker, who had agreed to participate in the prayer, became uncomfortable with the use of monounsaturated fats, and reported the matter… (Eva-Marie Ayala"Women said peer was 'demonically oppressed'", (From the Fort Worth Star-Telegam, 12/23; AP, 12/23).

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Of course, I saw this because now someone is suing!

I guess my coworkers aren’t that bad after all!

Wait, why does my cubical smell like the Olive Garden today?.

When spellcheck fails you...

So today it was my turn to make silly mistakes. (I think the cold weather is freezing some of my brain cells)

We are currently working on an Energy Engineer position for a company in Pennsylvania. Energy Engineers are a big part of the “Green” movement in industry evaluating and improving energy usage in manufacturing facilities. I thought this sounded like a fascinating job, and set about writing a job description and job posting for this position.

I thought I'd done rather well and presented it to the account manager to be proofread. Lucky for me, he discovered the following:

“The Senior Energy Engineer will work at the corporate level overseeing, leading and implementing energy conversation and management systems for manufacturing plants around the country.”

Oops! All talk and no action? Glad someone is watching my back.

Job Lounge's Name That Doodle

One of my colleagues occasionally contributes career advice to the Job Lounge blog. A recent post there asks readers to Name This Doodle:

My Thought: Effective Decision Making (Rock, Paper, Scissors)

Amusing Interview Stories

I spotted an article on Monster recently about some entertaining interviewing and hiring stories including the following:

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I was hiring for a collector position and received a resume with the following as the candidate's Goals and Objectives:

"I want to be successful as everyone does, but I want to kick it up a knotch (his misspell) and be VERY successful and become #1 in everything when it comes to professional, family, and personal way of life."

You want to be VERY successful? Why didn't you tell me before? What a novel goal in life. Does Emeril know you are using his phrase? Thanks for your time -- next!

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I know my coworkers have a number of stories like this and they are the highlights of our days.

Brainstorming

I love brainstorming sessions, they are a great way to generate ideas and build on concepts.

Today we were brainstorming a new company tagline, and while there were many good ideas, there were also a few that illustrate my coworker’s sense of humor, or were just funny in hindsight:

It’s five o’clock somewhere! (fitting for our group sometimes)
Partners with clients (it’s really hard to have a business without clients)
Antennas to the aliens (yes, our logo is a pyramid)
Consultative flesh peddling (let’s not go there)

On a more serious note, there were several excellent suggestions and I appreciate the input from all my coworkers! Thanks guys!

Reality TV

I know that I’m not the first to have the idea, but I think a Recruiter Reality TV Show would be great!

Our industry is similar to many of the big reality shows already…

It’s kind of like Survivor… Trying to find great candidates and match them up with opportunities that fit their needs is kind of like digging in the sand for a bag of puzzle pieces and then having to put it all together before the other tribe can…

It’s kind of like American Idol… Sifting through vast crowds of semi-talented (and hugely deluded) candidates to find those few that really have what it takes. We even have our own Paulas (the recruiters that like everyone) and Simons (the ones that are really picky). And although I’ve never actually called anyone a Bush Baby, but I’ve been known to use “Freak show” as a proper noun.

It’s kind of like Bachelor… We provide our client (our Bachelor) with a pool of talent to choose from, and they pick the one they like best

And of course it’s part definitely part Apprentice… Our candidates have to be able to do the job… although we don’t usually make them live in tents if they fail, but that could be fun!

So what could we call this show? Maybe… Headhunter Idol?

Customer Service (or lack thereof)

So enough on the topic of bad resumes, let’s talk a bit about what happens when you get the wrong people for the job.

Yesterday, ERE's Daily Newsletter featured this article from Dr. Wendall Williams on the disappointing product and disheartening customer service he received from two guys called Harry and David, whose definition of "Premium Mixed Nuts" clearly differs from that of the author:

I was preparing to physically count the number of almonds and pecans in the package, but without thinking, I ate both of them. So, I decided to check out their customer service claim about having the STRONGEST GUARANTEE IN THE BUSINESS.

I particularly like his recounting of his exchange with the customer service department:

Me: "Supervisor?" (waiting again)

Supervisor: "May I help you?"

Me: (Repeating my complaint about their definition of "premium" and invoking the words "STRONGEST GUARANTEE IN THE BUSINESS".)

Supervisor: "I'm sorry. We have 4,000 reps. I don't even know where this call came from. Do you want some jelly? Our jelly is really good."

Me: "I really wanted premium mixed nuts, but I guess jelly is okay."

Supervisor: "I'm sorry, we're out of jelly. Would you like some truffles?"

Me: "Ok."

Supervisor: "I'm sorry you had a problem."

Me: "Me too."

Dr. Williams tells the story with great humor and provides insights on how companies with the best customer service people select and train them.

Another tidbit gave me something to keep in mind the next time I’m frustrated with the customer service rep that just sent me to muzak hell (a.k.a. put me on hold) for the 4th time.

Customer service is a tough way to make a living. Low-paid people sit for long stretches listening to a never-ceasing queue of complaints. As soon as they hang up one call, an inbound router sends another. Their managers make things worse by expecting reps to deliver quality but punish them for taking too much time to solve problems.
It is any wonder that customer-service reps turn over?

Our very own “Dundies”…

I think my boss has been watching too much of The Office ...

Our 2007 Kickoff Meeting finally happened today (I was beginning to think Tony Romo was coordinating the effort) and our fearless leader opened the meeting with a special round of awards.

I was lucky enough to be named “Most likely to make you laugh” somehow managed to avoid “Most likely to die of a coffee overdose”. Of course, the boss got the “Most likely to reschedule a meeting”. Others received the “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere” and “Most likely to bring something awesome to the potluck” awards… Have I mentioned I love this place?

Overall I came away from this meeting excited about our plans for the next year, and I’m sure that their will be much success and much humor to come!

Job Titles

My coworkers are fun! Many of them share my sense of humor, and are kind enough to share the unusual or funny resume titles, job titles, etc they find… Today it was a Professional Certification: Gas Free Engineer

Some research revealed that a Shipboard Gas Free Engineer is designated by the Commanding Officer to work in or on confined spaces that may have hazardous environments.

I find this reassuring; if I’m ever trapped in a confined space with an engineer, I would prefer he be Gas Free.

I believe this might take over for my previous Favorite: Paprika Technician.

Where is the box anyway?

Today, a quote: (discovered on my Starbucks cup)

In my career I’ve found that “thinking outside the box” works better if I know what’s “inside the box.” In music (as in life) we need to understand our pertinent history… and moving on is so much easier once we know where we’ve been.
– Dave Grusin, Award-winning composer and jazz musician.

I found this particularly fitting, as my monday morning will be spent in a “Kick Off” meeting for the office… I wonder if I should take a few Buzzword Bingo cards along…

Happy New Year!

2006 was a great year for me, I settled into my role here are Partners In Technology, and I am thoroughly enjoying my work and even though I will be turning 30 (or 20-10 as I’ve decided to call it) this year, I am looking forward to 2007!

Of course, the New Year is a time for Resolutions. Personally, I seem to always end up doing the opposite of whatever I’ve resolved to do. So, in a nod to George from Seinfeld this year my resolutions are to spend too much money and gain at least 20 pounds.

But on to my usual topic…

Monster.com recently listed the “Ten Job Resolutions" in their Work/Life Balance section. Of course, Monster is kind enough to include some real advice in each area; which worth reading.

Here are my favorites:

Find New Ways to Greet Coworkers
I'm tired of the nod-and-smile and the hushed "morning." I find myself overusing the noncommittal hello. I'm going to start implementing the heel-click-and-salute, the friendly kick-in-the-shin and the increasingly popular Siberian headlock.

Refurbish My Cube
I want something different, like a Polynesian aristocracy motif or something resembling a caribou herder's hut. Perhaps some well-placed throw rugs would spruce up the place. Maybe a weaving loom or a wax bust of Oprah.

Drink Less Coffee
Ha ha ha! Just kidding. No freakin' chance.

Manage My Time More Effectively
I will limit my productive time in the office by refusing to accept any new assignments. I will attend one out of every three meetings. I will shorten my commute to six minutes by buying a Camaro. I will spend less time writing lists.

Deal with Coworker Disputes in a Civil Fashion
Enough voodoo dolls and gypsy curses. From here on out, I will deal with people in a mature and respectable fashion by completely ignoring them or spreading heinous rumors about them.