Brainstorming

I love brainstorming sessions, they are a great way to generate ideas and build on concepts.

Today we were brainstorming a new company tagline, and while there were many good ideas, there were also a few that illustrate my coworker’s sense of humor, or were just funny in hindsight:

It’s five o’clock somewhere! (fitting for our group sometimes)
Partners with clients (it’s really hard to have a business without clients)
Antennas to the aliens (yes, our logo is a pyramid)
Consultative flesh peddling (let’s not go there)

On a more serious note, there were several excellent suggestions and I appreciate the input from all my coworkers! Thanks guys!

No Laughing matter... well maybe

As you may know, the jobs outlook in Michigan is not so good. When Pfizer announced the departure of its Michigan operations, the outlook got even worse. It's just not funny anymore...

That is unless you're Brendon Lemon, Staff Writer for the Eastern Echo (the Eastern Michigan University paper), in a great satirical article: Pfizer finally frees nearly 2,500 servants

The article features "interviews" at local watering holes including:

"I got this cool hat today," said Randal Mondroff while holding up a large mass of aluminum foil, he is a clinical researcher with a Ph.D. from Columbia, "now that I don't have to work, this keeps the CIA from reading my brain."

Thanks for the laughs Brendon!

Job Requirements

I’m always slightly annoyed by candidates that reply to our job postings even though they are not even remotely qualified.

Even if my job posting explicitly states the position requires a Bachelor’s degree in Mechanical Engineering (BSME) and experience designing manufacturing process equipment for the automotive industry.

I will invariably receive responses from candidates that did not complete high school, whose most recent experience was picking blueberries. I’m sorry. I’m not going to call you. Yes, I’m realize that your blueberry picking skills may be unmatched and that you also have a valid hi-lo license, but you are not what I am looking for. Why are you wasting my time?!?!

Why do people like this waste our time? Can’t they read the requirements? Yes, of course, they can read the requirements, but they often just ignore them. After all, requirements are really more like guidelines most of the time, and sometimes downright silly. Consider the following:

Regular Attendance at Work (No, really?)
Regular contact with children (Fine, except this was on a daycare provider posting!)
Good English Language Skills (Just good though, we don’t want to set the bar too high.)

Check out this article about more Outrageous Job Requirements.

Reality TV

I know that I’m not the first to have the idea, but I think a Recruiter Reality TV Show would be great!

Our industry is similar to many of the big reality shows already…

It’s kind of like Survivor… Trying to find great candidates and match them up with opportunities that fit their needs is kind of like digging in the sand for a bag of puzzle pieces and then having to put it all together before the other tribe can…

It’s kind of like American Idol… Sifting through vast crowds of semi-talented (and hugely deluded) candidates to find those few that really have what it takes. We even have our own Paulas (the recruiters that like everyone) and Simons (the ones that are really picky). And although I’ve never actually called anyone a Bush Baby, but I’ve been known to use “Freak show” as a proper noun.

It’s kind of like Bachelor… We provide our client (our Bachelor) with a pool of talent to choose from, and they pick the one they like best

And of course it’s part definitely part Apprentice… Our candidates have to be able to do the job… although we don’t usually make them live in tents if they fail, but that could be fun!

So what could we call this show? Maybe… Headhunter Idol?

When you are not just a resume...

I’ve written quite a bit about bad resumes lately. But there is more to getting a job than having a good resume.

Most people understand that checking your educational credentials or even conducting a criminal background check and credit check are pretty standard steps in the interview process. But did you know that a growing number of employees are researching candidates online.

For example, I operate this blog; I share personal and professional information here, and it wouldn't be that difficult for someone to find it. But I doubt my current employer will have a problem with anything I've written here, and a perspective employer might double check my footwear in my interview; but other than that I’m pretty safe.

But consider the following:

Curious about the candidate, [The Recruiter] went to her page on Facebook. She found explicit photographs and commentary about the student's sexual escapades, drinking and pot smoking, including testimonials from friends. Among the pictures were shots of the young woman passed out after drinking.

… A recruiter had … rejected an applicant after searching the name of the student, a chemical engineering major, on Google. Among the things the recruiter found, she said, was this remark: "I like to blow things up."

...The executive found the candidate's Web page with this description of his interests: "smokin' blunts", shooting people and obsessive sex, all described in vivid slang.

See the New York Times' full article.

What may be surprising is that even though “shooting people” and “blowing things up” are very likely to be hyperbole, posturing (or maybe just really bad word choice??), it doesn’t matter to hiring managers. It is seen as immature and unprofessional. Obviously, talking about doing drugs and who-knows-what-else is pretty much guaranteed to lose you a job.

In short, if you don't want your Parents, Grandparents, or Boss to see it, it doesn't belong online!

Not very interesting...

Groucho Marx once said "Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough."

Well, today is the day, I’m officially 30. So far it’s not that bad really. Except that several of my coworkers decided that dressing in all black to mourn my 20’s would be funny.

But thinking back was there really much about my 20’s worth mourning? Sure, college was fun, (what I actually remember of it) but I was constantly strapped for cash. Then there were the dead end jobs I had before joining Partners, which left me constantly strapped for cash. (Hmmm... sensing a theme here...) Sure, I made some great friends and had some fun... but all in all, I think most of my 20's pretty much sucked.

I think my 30’s will be much better!

Do you know where your resume was last night?

Reaction time is a crucial part of the recruiter’s game. Currently, we are seeing a shortage of great candidates, and the competition among headhunters is growing. If your resume is online on Monster, Careerbuilder or a similar site, I’ll bet a recruiter has called you.

As a candidate, you need to be in control of your Job Search. It is vitally important that you, the job seeker, control where your resume is sent and by whom.

A GOOD RECRUITER will never present your information to a client company without first informing you fully about the potential opportunity and deciding with you if it is a career move you would like to pursue.

A BAD RECRUITER may pull your resume from Monster and send it off to without ever speaking to you about the opportunity. Suddenly you’ll get a call that consists of a “hard sell” on the job, and an attempt to set up an interview with the employing company. This recruiter may also promise to “send your information to as many jobs as I can."

Even if you are an active job seeker, think of all the jobs you see that don't interest you! If your job search isn't that active, imagine what happens when a recruiter starts sending your resume all over creation?

This is not representing your best interests! This is throwing you against the wall to see if you stick! People should not be treated like half-boiled spaghetti!

Recruiters as Social Workers?

Wow! It’s been busy around here lately! I’m back at last...

I found inspiration for today’s post in a training session given by one of the industry gurus. She says she likes to think of recruiters as “Social Workers who like money”.

I like to think that my coworkers love what they do because we help people. It may sound arrogant but we change people’s lives: that’s the Social Worker part.

Of course, recruiting can be a very lucrative business, and a successful recruiter can make a very comfortable living: Hence the money.

But not all recruiters have the social worker gene, there are some that only want the money, and those are not the people you want representing you… So over the next few days, I’m going to discuss how a good recruiter will treat you and how you in turn should treat a good recruiter...

Stay tuned!

Gentlemen (and Ladies) start your engines!

It feels like summer already, and not just because of the abnormally warm winter El Nino is providing.

I do have a life outside the office that includes hobbies like playing “Mechanic” for my boyfriend’s Figure 8 and Demo Scramble Cars (check out his blog here). And last night, as we were working to free a very sad Chevy Corsica from a farmer’s field in, it reminded me of our summer evenings spent breaking glass, sledge hammering fenders and fashioning door armor.

That's him, #42, with the excellent gold paint job! This Buick was the 3rd of 6 cars we managed to destroy last year.

The season begins soon! Check out the race promoter, Unique Motor Sports, for show dates, race photos, and other info.

Customer Service (or lack thereof)

So enough on the topic of bad resumes, let’s talk a bit about what happens when you get the wrong people for the job.

Yesterday, ERE's Daily Newsletter featured this article from Dr. Wendall Williams on the disappointing product and disheartening customer service he received from two guys called Harry and David, whose definition of "Premium Mixed Nuts" clearly differs from that of the author:

I was preparing to physically count the number of almonds and pecans in the package, but without thinking, I ate both of them. So, I decided to check out their customer service claim about having the STRONGEST GUARANTEE IN THE BUSINESS.

I particularly like his recounting of his exchange with the customer service department:

Me: "Supervisor?" (waiting again)

Supervisor: "May I help you?"

Me: (Repeating my complaint about their definition of "premium" and invoking the words "STRONGEST GUARANTEE IN THE BUSINESS".)

Supervisor: "I'm sorry. We have 4,000 reps. I don't even know where this call came from. Do you want some jelly? Our jelly is really good."

Me: "I really wanted premium mixed nuts, but I guess jelly is okay."

Supervisor: "I'm sorry, we're out of jelly. Would you like some truffles?"

Me: "Ok."

Supervisor: "I'm sorry you had a problem."

Me: "Me too."

Dr. Williams tells the story with great humor and provides insights on how companies with the best customer service people select and train them.

Another tidbit gave me something to keep in mind the next time I’m frustrated with the customer service rep that just sent me to muzak hell (a.k.a. put me on hold) for the 4th time.

Customer service is a tough way to make a living. Low-paid people sit for long stretches listening to a never-ceasing queue of complaints. As soon as they hang up one call, an inbound router sends another. Their managers make things worse by expecting reps to deliver quality but punish them for taking too much time to solve problems.
It is any wonder that customer-service reps turn over?

Our very own “Dundies”…

I think my boss has been watching too much of The Office ...

Our 2007 Kickoff Meeting finally happened today (I was beginning to think Tony Romo was coordinating the effort) and our fearless leader opened the meeting with a special round of awards.

I was lucky enough to be named “Most likely to make you laugh” somehow managed to avoid “Most likely to die of a coffee overdose”. Of course, the boss got the “Most likely to reschedule a meeting”. Others received the “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere” and “Most likely to bring something awesome to the potluck” awards… Have I mentioned I love this place?

Overall I came away from this meeting excited about our plans for the next year, and I’m sure that their will be much success and much humor to come!

Talkin' 'bout my education...

Today's resume advice: Education

This one is simple: Don’t lie. If you don’t have a degree, you don’t have one. Eventually someone will catch you, and it will not be good for your career.

The argument goes something like “College wouldn’t teach me anything I haven’t learned in X years on the job”.

Maybe that’s true, but the value of a college education is much more than what you learn in class.

I’ve decided the most valuable things I learned in college were:

• Responsibility and accountability (you can only skip so many classes before you learn this)
• How to problem solve and manage time
• How to get along with diverse groups of people
• How to find answers, even if sometimes you don’t know the question
• Openness to new ideas and the value in other points of view

Of course, I majored in Political Science, so it’s not like my coursework really applies to anything.

As for your educational history as part of your resume:
Always provide the name of the school, the degree received, and the program of study (yes, even if it’s Political Science). The year of graduation and GPA are optional. However, if you’re graduated with Honors, definitely add that, if your GPA was below 3.0 probably leave that off.

What not to share about your education:

• While I've never quite gotten a degree, I am quite close to several.
• Completed 11 years of high school
• College, August 1880-May 1984
• Beer pong champion
• Finished eighth in my high school graduating class of ten
• Suspected to graduate early next year
• GPA: 1.2/4.0

Is it live or is it Memorex?

Yet another example of the need to proofread:

Looking for a more simulating environment

I want to gain a life changing experience in my first job after my college career. I would like to explore all the options that are available to me and really see what it is like out here in the real world.

Hmmm, I would think a “simulating environment” and “the real world” would be mutually exclusive... but that’s just me.

Disqualified!

Welcome to the next exciting installment of resume advice… What qualifies as a qualification?

These days, most Human Resources professionals and hiring managers understand that Behavioral Interviewing which focuses more on experience than checklists of qualifications, is the key to finding candidates that can truly succeed in the position.

However, I think qualifications have their place in fields like Information Technology, Engineering, Nursing, etc., where either you have the skill or you don’t. In these cases qualifications might include certifications and licenses, software competencies, or familiarity with industry specific codes and standards.

Examples of Qualifications:

• Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer (MCSE)
• Registered Nurse (RN)
• American Society for Quality (ASQ) Certified Quality Engineer (CQE)
• Advanced skills in Microsoft Office Suite, including Word, Access, PowerPoint and Excel
• Advanced skills in Adobe Photoshop 7.0
• Skilled in using schematic capture systems

Note: If you are posting your resume online, it’s a good idea to list the full name of your certification and the common abbreviation

Examples of Dis-Qualifications:

• I'm a lean, mean, marketing machine.
• I have a current passport.
• Excellant at people oriented positi9ons and organizational problem solving.
• Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep (just the Mongolian ones?)
• I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0, computor and spreadsheat progroms.
• I am creative, dependable, and housebroken.
• Eight arms and eight legs with excellent interpersonal skills (trying to qualify for the sideshow?)
• I'm a rabid typist.
• Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory.
• Loyal to my employer at all costs. (Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail/email)

I gotta get out of this place…

In this installment of resume advice, I will deal with the dreaded question, “Why did you leave your last position?”

Again, this isn’t something I suggest including on your resume, but it is something that will come up in interviews, so we should address the topic anyway.

For Example: You’ve been downsized. We all know that “Downsized” can be code for “Fired”. So it’s a good idea to include how many others were caught up in the downsizing “I was part of a 10% reduction in workforce” and/or what precipitated the downsizing “ABC Company opted to eliminate all regional sales representatives and manage sales through territory managers based at corporate headquarters” is better than a simple “Downsized”.

Try to avoid statements like “In their infinite wisdom, the company decided that they weren’t selling enough products to actually afford to market them, so they got rid of all their marketing people." *

On a similar note: Work History
There are few good reasons to jump from job to job, and it tends to be more acceptable in some industries or positions than others. If you have been contracting, it’s best to make that clear on your resume. If you have a shaky work history, recruiters will avoid you like the plague. In this case, including your reasons for leaving each job may be a good idea.

As long as they aren’t reasons like:

• Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.
• Responsibility makes me nervous.
• Being in trouble with the law, I moved quite frequently.
• In my last position, got nowhere as part of a 60-person herd.
• I did not give the company my full effort and received no chance of advancement in return.
• My last employer insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. I couldn't work under those conditions.
• Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches
• The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.

*The important part is I’m not bitter and I got over it quickly! ;-)

By the way, thanks go to Funny2.com for many of the bad examples for this series.

Job Titles

My coworkers are fun! Many of them share my sense of humor, and are kind enough to share the unusual or funny resume titles, job titles, etc they find… Today it was a Professional Certification: Gas Free Engineer

Some research revealed that a Shipboard Gas Free Engineer is designated by the Commanding Officer to work in or on confined spaces that may have hazardous environments.

I find this reassuring; if I’m ever trapped in a confined space with an engineer, I would prefer he be Gas Free.

I believe this might take over for my previous Favorite: Paprika Technician.

A bad experience...

Dr. Seuss once said “I like nonsense; it wakes up the brain cells…” and I find this a perfect introduction to my next installment of resume advice: Experience.

I suggest you use a chronological format for your resume and provide information about what the companies you have worked for actually do. (For example “Manufacturers of food process equipment” or “A multi-billion dollar manufacturer and marketer of consumer packaged goods”) one line here is enough, and it’s extremely helpful.

Good resumes will have concise, accurate, bulleted responsibility/experience statements that begin with verbs and illustrate your accomplishments and skills.

The Good:
(Remember, numbers are your friend!)

• Initiated design changes and search engine optimization practices resulting in 25% increase in natural search referrals and a reduction in home page abandonment by over 200%.
• Increased productivity and efficiencies by 30%, which improved the bottom line $240,000 annually
• Reduced rework, achieved $100,000 in cost avoidance

The Bad: (What you did, but not how well you did it)

• Demonstrated excellent materials management skills
• Purchased equipment
• Demonstrated project management skills

The Ugly:
(Please, please, please, proofread! And did I mention concise?)

• Maintained files and reports, did data processing, cashed employees' paychecks.
• Overlooked all areas to ensure an overwhelming success
• Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.
• While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.

In all seriousness, this is the real “meat” of your resume, do this part well, and you will go much further.

Where is the box anyway?

Today, a quote: (discovered on my Starbucks cup)

In my career I’ve found that “thinking outside the box” works better if I know what’s “inside the box.” In music (as in life) we need to understand our pertinent history… and moving on is so much easier once we know where we’ve been.
– Dave Grusin, Award-winning composer and jazz musician.

I found this particularly fitting, as my monday morning will be spent in a “Kick Off” meeting for the office… I wonder if I should take a few Buzzword Bingo cards along…

I Object...

Following yesterday’s post on resume titles, you may have gathered that nothing irritates me more than a bad resume. Therefore, I intend to offer my very humble *snicker* opinion resume structure, beginning with the Objective.

I’m not a big fan of using an objective on a resume. If you must have some form of introductory paragraph, I suggest a summary of your skills and experience concluding with what your background offers a perspective employer. But as it seems that career counselors and resume templates are obsessed with objectives, I will start my analysis of the resume there.

Good objectives outline your skills, long term goals, and what you bring to the company.

To obtain a position within your company where my creativity, organizational skills and high level of motivation will benefit the team

To obtain a sales position with a market leader that will utilize my diverse experience and make a substantial contribution to the company’s success.

Bad objectives are too narrowly focused, too vague, or make no sense.

A management position in the Memphis area utilizing my skills and experience

Company goals achieved- friendly employee leadership- strong importance of customer, reliability, quality work, & family. Flexiable full time schedule.

I would like a position that may or will be available soon on a full-time basis only.

Really bad objectives crack me up.

To acquire a creative development position within the entertainment industry that would utilize my vast (2 years) technical experience.

To find a gig.

My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

In conclusion, if you must use an objective, at least try to make sense.

Resume Titles

It’s time yet again, for one of Karen’s Pet Peeves.

When recruiters are doing a search of monster, careerbuilder or any major job board, we are presented with a page of search results and this is where we all see what you’ve chosen as your “Resume Title”.

Examples of Good Resume Titles:
Sales Manager with demonstrated business development skills
BSME with Pro/E Expertise
Experienced Lean Manufacturing Engineer

Examples of Bad Resume Titles:
Resume
Your Name
Looking for a job
Unemployed
Anything containing the word “Guru”

Some Examples of Hysterical Resume Titles:
Wannabe teacher
Don't look no frther
This whold be my first job.. But i am a hard worker and ready to work.
LOOKIN FO A CHALLENGE
Handsome and Available
Looks great in chaps!

Just something else to keep in mind!

Overheard in the Bullpen

Bullpen (noun) an open work area, not divided into offices, typically associated with people making sales calls.

At Partners we don’t really use the term “bullpen” and our recruiters are in cubicles; but makes for a fun and simple name for what I hope is a recurring segment…

Overheard in the Bullpen (Thanks to Overheard in New York for the idea)

Recruiter to Candidate: The hiring manager is from Italy, so his English isn’t very well.

Recruiter to Candidate: So, you’re unemployed? Okay Great!

Interview Questions

I’ve written before about some odd questions candidates have asked… but of course, it is sometimes the interviewer that comes up with the off-the-wall question.

Odd interview questions I’ve been asked include:
If you were fruit (or an animal, a tree, a color, etc), what would you be, and why?
If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would it be?
If you could be granted superpowers, what superpower would you like to receive?

Most of these I answered without too much of a problem. The one question that that really tripped me up was “What is your favorite word?”

Here’s what went through my head in the next 1.2 seconds:

A favorite word? Are you serious? I mean ask me about my favorite movie (The Shawshank Redemption), my favorite book (Strange Universe) my favorite song (I am a Rock), or my favorite color (clear)! But a favorite word? Geez, can’t we go back to that question about what dead person I’d want to chat with over fettuccini? I mean really, a favorite word? There are lots of great words! Tintinnabulation (it’s just fun to say), thixotropicity (because no one knows what it means), gibbous (again, just fun to say), and multifunctional words like “stuff” and “smurf”. (And a more few you can't say in polite company!) Is this really relevant to job? Oh no, what am I going to say? I’m taking way too long! Wait! Wait! I’ve got it! I’ll give them something career related, something business savvy, something… something… something like...

In the end, I babbled something semi-coherent about “synergy” or some other meaningless buzzword. Needless to say, I was not offered that job.

Why on earth would someone ask this? This was a copywriting job, and so I can see a vague relevance, but it still rattled me. It wasn’t until later I learned that these odd questions are designed to do just that.

One of the most popular odd-ball interview questions is “Why is a manhole cover round?” Rumor has it this is a standard at Microsoft. A hiring manager I know often asked this question as a way to find candidates that could problem solve and think on their feet. He admits the best response to this question was “I don’t know, but you’ll have the answer in your e-mail by the end of the day”.

The answer, by the way, is that a circle is the only geometric shape that cannot fit through itself and therefore the cover cannot fall down the hole.

Have I mentioned I love trivia?

Happy New Year!

2006 was a great year for me, I settled into my role here are Partners In Technology, and I am thoroughly enjoying my work and even though I will be turning 30 (or 20-10 as I’ve decided to call it) this year, I am looking forward to 2007!

Of course, the New Year is a time for Resolutions. Personally, I seem to always end up doing the opposite of whatever I’ve resolved to do. So, in a nod to George from Seinfeld this year my resolutions are to spend too much money and gain at least 20 pounds.

But on to my usual topic…

Monster.com recently listed the “Ten Job Resolutions" in their Work/Life Balance section. Of course, Monster is kind enough to include some real advice in each area; which worth reading.

Here are my favorites:

Find New Ways to Greet Coworkers
I'm tired of the nod-and-smile and the hushed "morning." I find myself overusing the noncommittal hello. I'm going to start implementing the heel-click-and-salute, the friendly kick-in-the-shin and the increasingly popular Siberian headlock.

Refurbish My Cube
I want something different, like a Polynesian aristocracy motif or something resembling a caribou herder's hut. Perhaps some well-placed throw rugs would spruce up the place. Maybe a weaving loom or a wax bust of Oprah.

Drink Less Coffee
Ha ha ha! Just kidding. No freakin' chance.

Manage My Time More Effectively
I will limit my productive time in the office by refusing to accept any new assignments. I will attend one out of every three meetings. I will shorten my commute to six minutes by buying a Camaro. I will spend less time writing lists.

Deal with Coworker Disputes in a Civil Fashion
Enough voodoo dolls and gypsy curses. From here on out, I will deal with people in a mature and respectable fashion by completely ignoring them or spreading heinous rumors about them.